anything less than i love you is lying
by graceviolets
Summary: dating your best friend should be easy, right?


"Who's that?" he asks.

And Santana knows that she won't be his number one anymore. If she ever was. With those two words, she's out of the race. If she was ever in it.

"Quinn" she says. "She transferred from some other school."

"Oh."

It's the curse with dating the boy you grew up with, your best friend. You know him too well. Santana can hear so much more in his voice than just that simple _oh_.

"Just go and stick your tongue down her throat if you think she's so pretty" she snaps.

Santana isn't the jealous type. She really isn't. So she can't explain why anger boils so hot inside her.

"What?" he asked, looking dazed.

"Fuck you."

She leaves him standing outside the room the ballet studio, peering in at the ballet class. He hurries after her.

"What's the matter with you?" he asks, grabbing her arm.

"We're dating, remember?"

He rolls his eyes.

"What's your point?"

She stares into his brown eyes and tries to calm down. She's just a girl, Quinn is just a girl he think is hot. He thinks Brittany is hot too and that doesn't bother Santana. She takes a deep breath.

"Nothing" she exhales.

He smirks and puts his arm around her.

"Hey, I'll buy you fries" he tells her, nuzzling his head into her hair.

"Extra large?"

"Anything, babe."

…

She almost forgets to worry about Quinn until she sees them together. It's some lame party at someone's lame house. She goes to get drinks and when she gets back, Puck is sitting on the couch next to Quinn. She looks out of place in her designer dress and neatly plated hair, but is smiling and blushing.

"Hi" Santana almost shouts.

They both look rather startled.

"Thanks, babe" he says, taking a mug of beer from her hands.

"I'm Santana" she says, extending her hand at Quinn.

"Quinn Fabray, nice to meet you."

Santana nods. She tries to meet Puck's eyes, but he is looking at Quinn. And that odd feeling of jealousy tugs at Santana's heart.

"We saw at you ballet practice last week" she says. "You were good."

"Thanks."

"You know, Coach Sylvester is holding trials for the cheerleading squad on Monday. You should try out."

"I don't think cheerleading is for me" Quinn smiles. "Thanks anyway."

Perfect, polite princess. Santana tries to smile, it feels like grimace.

"Cheerleaders are the shit at this school, Quinn. We get _everything_. Good grades, the cutest boys, scholarships – everything."

She sits down on Puck's knee. He slides his hands absent-mindedly up her shirt.

"Really?" Quinn asks, still sounding doubtful.

"Yeah, totally."

"I don't know…"

"You know what, you can just try out. If you don't make it, you still have ballet, right?"

Quinn nods.

"Yeah, I have nothing to lose."

Santana nods and grins. This time, the smile is more convincing.

"I'm sure we'll be the best of friends!"

_Keep your friends close and your enemies closer_.

…

Quinn gets on the squad without even having to try very hard. Coach Sylvester loves her for some reason. Santana tells herself that she did the right thing. Quinn might be a fucking ace tumbler, but this way, Santana can keep her away from Puck.

It's really kind of easy. Quinn wants a nice boy, because she's from a nice family. She wants someone handsome who'll stare at her with a dopey grin. It's too easy, really.

"Finn Hudson thinks you're cute" Santana tells Quinn after her first practice.

"What?"  
>"He told Puck yesterday."<p>

"Really?"  
>Actually, Puck never gossips about Finn's love life. But Quinn is (even if Santana hates to admit it) painfully beautiful. Finn probably thinks she's cute. If he's straight.<p>

"We should double-date" Santana suggests.

Quinn clutches her chest. Her cheeks are still rosy from practice. Perfect, polite, fucking princess.

"That sounds like fun."

"Great" Santana smiles.

…

"We're going on a double-date" she tells him.

"With who?"

He's playing XBOX and she has about 9 % of his attention. The only way to get more is to get naked and start touching herself, but she's not in the mood tonight.

"Quinn and Finn."

He turns to stare at her.

"_Why_?"

She watches the screen, he's getting killed by some animal, but he doesn't care

"Because I set them up."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

She stares at him. He stares back.

"Their names rhyme" he mutters.

She throws a cushion at him and gets up.

"You're dead" she says.

"What?"  
>She kicks the game console out of his hand as she leaves. Her chest hurts in a way she isn't used to.<p>

…

"Do you love me?" she asks him.

It's out of the blue, but she has to know. Finn and Quinn hit it off and now she can't get him smile. He's kisses her, suddenly and harshly, as to avoid the question.

"Do you love me?" she asks again.

"Come on" he says, holding her close to him. "This is me and you. We're not freaking Juliet or Romeo."

"We could be" she whispers against his shirt.

"No" he says. "We can't."

He holds her as her eyes go wet.

"I _love _you" she whimpers.

"We're not the type of people that end up together" he tells her. "No one will write a fucking sonnet about our love."

And she knows it's true. Even though their mothers want it. Even though Santana longs for it. They won't. It's just fact.

"What does she have that I don't?" she whispers and loses all her dignity.

"Nothing" he replies, but it's a lie, she knows it.

"Are we breaking up?" she asks.

He kisses her again and she doesn't stop him. This is what they're good at. Kissing and having sex and not talking.

…

She smacks his cheek hard. He clutches it and groans.

"You _idiot_" she snaps.

He bends his head down. They're in the school hallway. Kids are walking past, no one bats an eye, they are used to Puck and Santana getting handsy.

"I know."

"You fucking cheated on me with her."

"I'm sorry."

She touches his shoulder.

"_Shit_, Puck" she whispers. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

He shakes his head.

"I don't know."

And for a second, he looks just like the little scared boy that slept on her floor for three months because his dad left. And she can't stay mad at that Puck.

"What are you going to do?" she asks.

They're not together anymore. She broke up with him over some lame thing because she could tell he was falling out of love with her. If he had been _in _love with her in the first place.

"You're my best friend" he whispers. "Help me."

She closes her eyes and wishes for fraction of second that the roles were reversed. That she was pregnant and Puck wanted to be with her.

"Go to her, you moron. Go to her and say that you wanna be with her."

He nods.

"Yeah, I should do that."

She touches his chest, just once, for old time's sake. He doesn't even notice.

"Thanks" he mutters.

She nods.

"Sure."

…

When Quinn gives the baby up, Puck comes drunk to Santana's house. She lets him in and sneaks him upstairs. He weeps silently in a corner. She tries to sober him up with coffee, but gives up and lets him get wasted.

"I'm never going to see her again" he repeats over and over again.

Santana sits down next to him in the corner and holds him until he falls asleep. She covers him with a blanket and places a pillow under his head. She hates taking care of drunken people, she really does. But if there's one night of your life when you're allowed to get wasted, it's when you lost your kid.

"I would have never hurt you like this" she whispers to his sleeping form.

She kisses his forehead and climbs into bed. She could never hurt him like this, even if she tried. Because he will never love her as much as he loves Quinn. It's a fight she will always lose.

…

"Dyke" someone calls after her in the hallway.

She turns, anger building up in her body. It's that football dude, Azimo, she wants to kill him. But someone's beaten her to it. Puck holds him up the wall, one hand at his throat.

"What did you call her?" he asks.

"A dyke" Azimo spits.

Puck punches him in the stomach and Azimo falls to the ground.

"I could have taken care of it myself" Santana huffs.

Puck yawns.

"I know."

"I'm not some little girl you have to baby."

"Believe me" he says, smirking. "I know."

She rolls her eyes. He puts an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm not a dyke" she mutters.

"Of course you're not" he smiles. "You dated me, right?"

She nods. Yes, that's true. She dated him for years and loved him and still does. She can't be lesbian then, can she?

"This is so fucking confusing" she mutters.

"Bet it was easier being in love with me" he teases her.

She rolls her eyes again.

"You have no idea."

…

She meets them once when they're babysitting Beth. Quinn's pushing the stroller, Puck as his arm around her waist. A perfect family at the surface. Santana hates the twinge of jealousy as she sees them. She doesn't want him back, she really doesn't.

"San, meet my daughter" Puck says in a very un-Puckish way and hold Beth up to her.

She takes the bundle of overalls and find a tiny head. She's blonde and a bit grumpy and Santana wants to tell her how much pain she caused her daddy. But she doesn't.

"She's beautiful" she tells them.

Beth scowls at her and it makes Santana smile.

"Be careful" she laughs. "If she looks like that now, wait 'til she's teenager."

She hands the baby back to Puck.

"We're going for pancakes" Quinn says. "Wanna come?"

Santana shakes her head.

"Nah, you three have fun."

They walk away. She watches them leave. Her heart hurts so much she has to sit down.

…

"Sometimes I wish I could love you" he says once.

She flinches.

"What?"

They have been drinking a bit of wine, his eyes are cloudy.

"I mean, you _get _me."

"You sick of Quinn?" she smirks.

"No" he says quickly. "No."

"But you still wish you could love me?"

"You're my best friends. Things would be easier."

"A lot of things would be easier if we were together" she agrees.

"You wouldn't have to be called a lesbian at school."

"No."

"And I wouldn't have to fight with Quinn when I don't get what she wants."

Santana smiles at him. She's drunk too. It would be so easy to lean over and kiss him. To try it.

"But I love her, San" he says. "I love her so much it fucking hurts."

Santana smiles.  
>"I know."<p>

"I just can't picture being with anyone else, ever."

"I know."

She watches him carefully.

"I wish someone would love me like that" she whispers.

"Someone will" he promises. "I swear."

She puts her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes.


End file.
